HW 57 - Initial Thoughts on Prom

The talk of Prom has been circulating the hallways for months now. To be quite honest, it's sort of driving me crazy. I am looking forward for the topic of conversation to change and to not constantly hear the word "Prom" uttered. I remember last year when we used to go to the computer lab on Mondays, all of the senior girls in my class would be searching page after page on websites for the perfect dress. I don’t think as a junior I realized how obsessed so many people get with the planning that goes into one night. I almost feel, as though people feel like this is it, after prom your life will never be the same. Yet I have a hunch that this night isn’t going to affect anyone that deeply.

Living in a society that tries to mirror what the media throws at us it makes sense that our behavior about Prom is the way it is. It seems as though every time a celebrity makes their way down the red carpet they are dressed in very similar attire to the typical Prom outfit. Considering we all feel as though we are the center of the universe of course we must dress to impress our audience, for in our heads they are watching our every move. Personally I just don’t understand what the big deal about Prom is… I don’t think it is a big deal, so why do so many other people seem to revolve their senior year around it?

Considering the status of a woman is much more equal to a man then it used to be, then why is an escort still so necessary? Why do girls feel as though it is such a crucial part of prom? Is it because they don’t want people to feel sorry for them? Are they really just keeping up with the cookie cutter layout society creates? There is something very odd about prom, and I think if it were to be eliminated, there would be little to no affect on people’s lives as a whole.

• If Prom originated in the American Universities then how did it become introduced to High School?
• Why is the event still called Prom?
• Why does SOF not have a Prom Queen/Prom King?
• Is Prom one of the only moments people remember from High School?
• Does Prom increase sales significantly?

HW 56 - Culminating Project Comments

Rossi -

After hearing your speech I was inclined to check out your blog! Something you said while you were presenting to the class was how the experience you had with this woman was much more of a conversation than anything else. It made me think about if now we are biased and assume everyone and anyone involved in the funeral business is soulless and in it for the big bucks. I liked this line, "The woman was comfortable and natural in her conversation with Jay and I. She seemed genuinely happy with her position and even shared some things that interested her in the business, like reading coffin magazines as others read car or celebrity magazines. It looked like she really loved what she did." Although it is hard to imagine how someone could actually feel comfortable in this sort of position it obviously does happen. I enjoyed reading this and hearing you speak about it in class. Good Job!

(http://rossi63blog.blogspot.com/2011/05/hw-55-culminating-project-care-of-dead.html?showComment=1305717287029#c2853511685526262599)

Lina -

I found your dramatic speech very intriguing so I decided to check out your blog. I think you make a very good point, there is so much focus on the moment before death and the moment that the person is in the ground, yet there is hardly any emphasis on what happens after that. The fact that you saw trash over some of the tombstones just shows the amount of lack of care is going on. I found this line to be interesting, " she was told to wait a week before visiting so that the cemetery's workers could clean and mow that specific section - meaning that as a whole, the cemetery isn't maintained as often as that monthly or "lifetime" fee implies. " The fact that there is a fee to be underground seems so bizarre. It's literally is paying a rent... This was very eye opening and I found it easy to understand and read. Good Job!

(http://normalisweirdbylina.blogspot.com/2011/05/cotd-final-project.html#comments)

Leah -

I really was interested by the information you provided in this blog post. It seems as though the way Indian people deal with death is much more personal. I found it fascinating that young children and saints are buried because they are pure. This part really caught my attention, "Unlike our social dominant practices it doesn't seem that money is an issue in India. Everything done during in the ceremony there isn't a money factor that causes the family to have to worry about things. Its all religion based." In our culture a lot of people associate death with religion. However, do you think in our culture religion is a reason to raise the price? Or do you think there is no comparison between India and the United States, since our country is extremely wealthy? Good job!

(http://leahsviews.blogspot.com/2011/05/hw55-culminating-project-care-of-dead.html#comments)

Megumi -

Well done. Your essay was concise, and included some very good information. As someone who is considering a home funeral, this post was significant to me personally. My favorite line was, "The ‘traditional’ way to care for the dead only happened within a few years. It was normal before for families to care for the dead bodies of their loved ones-why is there now a need to hand over the body to strangers? " I wonder though what the norm might shift to next or if the practices we predominantly see throughout society today are here to stay. I hope that in the near future (sometime soon) New York will pass a law making it legal to care for the body without a funeral director. Even though this is possible with the director supervising it seems like there is probably a lot of pressure coming from the director towards the customer. Overall though this was a good post!

(http://meguminormalisweird.blogspot.com/2011/05/hw55-culminating-project-care-of-dead.html#comments)

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From Megumi: I found your project very interesting and I was curious about what people our age that have not taken the course would think about 'care of the dead.' I found it especially interesting that all interviewees had different answers. The video was also very fun to watch. A line I found most insightful was, "So what separates us from many other teenagers is that we have had a number of moments to really think, to discover and to understand that we have a choice when it comes to our bodies both in life and death." I have to agree with that ending statement because death was a topic I never considered before taking the course. Now, that I have learned the different choices we can make about our bodies, I actually took more time to think things through of what I really wanted. (Though I am also undecisive.) Perhaps knowing that there's so many things to think about make us have to reconsider and second-guess ourselves.

From Natalie: Sarah,

I thought your video was very well put together. The last paragraph of your analysis talks about how we do not pause to notice ourselves and the world around us. I believe you were also able to capture this idea well in your film, with the edited clips of the sidewalk. The audience was forced to talk a minute and appreciate life. I also liked that you asked teenagers who had not taken a course concerning the care of the dead. While all of our thoughts are interesting, it was intriguing to hear the perspective of someone who did not have much experience in the topic.
Each individual however did seem to have a pretty clear idea of what they wanted, considering how much our society tends to avoid the subject of death.
Good job!

From Leah: Sarah,

I thought that your video was very creative and enjoyable. It caught my attention right away. I liked how you explained that we aren't full control of our bodies mentally but physically. It's interesting how even after this unit you still aren't sure what you want to be done physically to your body after hearing all of those alternatives. I liked the fact the people who you interviewed actually took the time and tought about what they wanted done to their body not just bubbles ideas. You did a good job. Keep it up!

From Jay: Sarah,

Your video was different and actually interesting. Although I didn't understand the shots of people walking in the street-I'm assuming it was added for artistic effect-I thought it was well put together and it's fun to watch a video as opposed to your usual super-lengthy blogs, not that that's a bad thing. One thing I think you could've done without was the first part of the analysis where you explain what each girl said, it's redundant. Also, a few males would have been a nice addition. Nonetheless, good post/video.

From Rebecca (Peer): To Sarah:

Your video was good, I liked what everyone had to say. At the end when you asked what I would like done to my body, I tried to think about it. I don't know at this point but maybe this is when I should start thinking about it. Good Job.

From Rebecca

From Mom (Mentor): Thanks for sharing your video and your ideas. Although this is a very serious issue not many people think about it until they are much older and hear the clock ticking. The topic of care of the dead brings up many existential issues...the meaning of life, the passing of time, space, and the purpose of all of this. Thinking about death can help us live a better life. We can focus more on what is important and how we would like to live. We can be more aware of ourselves and those around us, how we want to be treated in life, how we want to treat others which is related to loving ourselves and others. I like to think about all the people who have gone before us, how they lived their lives, how they felt being in a body on this planet and how similar they were to us. Life really is a miracle and we shall see one day about death...it may be a miracle too. xoxo Mom

HW 55 - Culminating Project - Care of the Dead

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NC1-PiIFSs

How often is the average teenager asked what they would like done to their body after they have died? Unless they are apart of ‘Normal is Weird’ then this question probably never comes up. In this short film, five girls are featured who all have very different ideas on what exactly they want to happen after they die. One would like to be cremated, even though the rest of her family is in a cemetery. One would like to be buried in the ground because she feels as though being cremated seems like a waste of a body. One would like to be an organ donor and then later cremated. One would like to be donated to science and have her body used as a way to discover. One still isn’t sure on exactly what she wants to have done to her body. All of the people featured in the film felt very uncomfortable and surprised when I initially asked them to think about this question. Instead of just answering immediately, they all took time to really think about what they wanted to happen; they wrote their thoughts down and even openly talked about their concerns and worries. I think above all of the information and facts I learned from this unit, the biggest lesson gained is the importance of taking time to really contemplate what you truly want when you are no longer breathing. Although no one knows exactly what is going to happen after that moment occurs, at least we will have the ability to control what happens to our physical body.

Generally speaking though I think moments of stillness are often taken for granted. This weekend I was running in the park, I always feel the need to listen to music to get around the whole reservoir. Yet something inside of me decided to take my headphones out and just listen to the music that nature was creating, I decided to take my time and even sat down for a couple of minutes in a field of grass. I watched the other runners as they passed me, although they were physically using their bodies it seemed as though mentally they weren’t really there. This got me thinking about why the care of the dead is so avoided, if we aren’t in full control of our bodies while we are living, breathing, walking and speaking, then why would we even consider thinking about how our bodies will be treated once we no longer reside in them? So what separates us from many other teenagers is that we have had a number of moments to really think, to discover and to understand that we have a choice when it comes to our bodies both in life and death.

HW 54 - Independent Research B

Religion has never been very enforced in my home. My mom was raised as a Catholic and my Dad is Jewish. However we celebrate all of the Jewish holidays, so although in the religious aspect I am not very involved, in terms of culture I am very immersed. I decided to do more research on Judaism to give myself a better understanding on ideas about care of the dead. Before I even began my research though I made a mental list of the things I already knew. I understand that tattoos are forbidden if one wants to be buried in a Jewish cemetery, that more or less a person must be buried within in twenty-four hours and that many Jewish people want to be buried in Israel because it is the Holy Land. I thought the best place to start my research would be with the Torah.

It seems as though a common trend associated with most religions is that while we are on earth we are hoping for the approval of g*d. If we follow the steps then most would hope that their afterlife will be what they anticipated. “I will grant peace in the Land so that you will sleep without fear.” (Leviticus 26:3) This portion of the Torah seems to indicate that if one were to obey the rules of g*d he would make sure that in the holy land (afterlife) there will be no fear and no worry.

Although I am not completely aware of embalming people who follow Judaism this part of the Torah seemed as though it could potentially be talking about avoiding that step. “They shall not make bald patches on their heads, nor shall they shave the edge of their beard, nor shall they make cuts in their flesh.” (Leviticus 21:1) Although it doesn’t explicitly say that they are not allowed to tear up their insides after they are gone, it basically is referring to not altering ones self. Which in a sense connects to the whole tattoo aspect… “nor shall they make cuts in their flesh.” This line could be interpreted as though tattoos are making cuts into ones skin and changing a person’s original being.

After viewing the film “A Family Undertaking” it became quite clear to me that the family should be involved in the process more directly. However, in the Jewish religion it seems as though the family wants the person to be buried as soon as possible. “Earth you are, and to earth you will return.” (Genesis 3:19) This made me think that the more time one spends exposed to the world in a deceased body the more the earth is taken away. The fact that a person is literally buried within the ground makes them become one with it. If you are one with the earth than until the earth experiences it’s own death you will stay one with the earth.

Instead of talking to a Rabbi I spoke to someone who although was raised a Catholic is highly interested in Judaism. Her family friend passed away last week and his family practiced Judaism. She attended his funeral and his Shiva, which in English means sitting. She said that at the funeral there were prayers said in Hebrew and words from family spoken in English. She attended a Shiva in his home, a part of the process of caring for the dead, where family and friends can come pay their respects to the loved ones of the deceased. There was no open casket and he wasn't cremated.

I decided my next best step would be to consult with a website called Judaism 101. "In Judaism, death is not a tragedy, even when it occurs early in life or through unfortunate circumstances. Death is a natural process. Our deaths, like our lives, have meaning and are all part of G-d's plan. In addition, we have a firm belief in an afterlife, a world to come, where those who have lived a worthy life will be rewarded." This seemed to relate to what the Torah said, about peace in the Land. "Most communities have an organization to care for the dead, known as the chevra kaddisha (the holy society). These people are volunteers. Their work is considered extremely meritorious, because they are performing a service for someone who can never repay them." This idea seemed sort of odd to me, considering most of what we have been studying is how others benefit from the deceased. This ritual seems as though the person helping feels as though the benefit they will gain is truly from g*d. "The body is not embalmed, and no organs or fluids may be removed." This also related back to how the Torah said, nor shall they make cuts in their flesh. The person who once lived shouldn't be touched or tampered just because they are no longer breathing. "The body must not be cremated. It must be buried in the earth. Coffins are not required, but if they are used, they must have holes drilled in them so the body comes in contact with the earth." This also related back to the Torah, when it mentioned you will return to the earth. Although the Torah doesn't explicitly state what should be done after one is deceased it seems as though people have taken the instructions it does say and interpret them into what it hints at.

Citations:

• "Life, Death and Mourning." Judaism 101. Web. 11 May 2011. .
• Torah. Print.

HW 53 - Independent Research A

1. Article One: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/15/nyregion/in-funeral-industry-womens-presence-grows.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=funeral%20homes&st=cse

Precis: Lisa S. Dozier saw death from a very unusual perspective, especially considering the age she was first exposed. She didn't find it frightening, or something she should avoid, very much so the complete opposite, something that should be embraced. Through this realization she began her path to caring for the dead, to turn this unavoidable step into something filled with peacefulness.

Article Two: http://green.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/06/30/into-the-big-green-beyond/?scp=4&sq=funeral%20homes&st=cse

Precis: Only thirty percent of Americans who die every year, use alternative methods of caring for the dead. Although there are alternative options, if one was to inquire about them they would have to do their research ahead of time. Not only are these alternatives less expensive they are better for the environment.

Both texts make it clear that there are alternative ways of facing and dealing with death. Dozier shows that even in the traditional sense there doesn't have to be a cold and worried feeling in the atmosphere, that in actuality the person who has died should feel peaceful. Reading about how Dozier became involved with caring for the death is comforting in a sense, showing that there is a real sense of sincerity. While the other article shows death doesn't have to be expensive or even have such a strong cliche. That the way we handle death now is hurting the environment, and burning holes in pockets. Our alternatives are out there we just have to be willing to look for them, hiding behind societies standards is hurting us more than helping us understand how simple death should and could be.

2. I walked over to a funeral home on 81st Street, I realized I had passed it hundreds of times but never realized exactly what it was. As I got closer I felt nervous and anxious, I was questioning whether or not I should enter this building. I stood across the street for a good couple of minutes, and something inside of me told me to turn around. I listened to my gut and decided I would feel more comfortable talking to someone on the phone. I didn't want to face death directly. Once I got home I found the phone number but once again felt hesitant to call. Maybe it was because I wasn't really interested in organizing a funeral or maybe because part of me fears that one day I am going to actually have to do this for real. I tried to ignore my nerves and pressed call. The phone rang twice and a man picked up, his voice was calm yet friendly. I immediately dove into a conversation about the alternative options they offered. He explained that embalming wasn't required in the State of New York, and that they had many different ways to care for the deceased. He listed the many ways a person could be cremated, everything from the person purchasing their own container to a number of wood containers that they provided. I asked him on average how much cremation would cost, he responded with $3,600. Although I never said the reasoning behind why I was calling the tone in his voice seemed very persuasive. He mentioned that this funeral home had no religion affiliated with it. I felt so uncomfortable, I thanked him and hung up.

Part of me feels as though I entered this situation with a very biased attitude. After studying the subject in such depth and especially after seeing "A Family Undertaking", I now realize the nightmarish ways our culture handles death. If I had done this assignment earlier in the unit I probably would of felt just as uncomfortable but more naive on the subject as a whole. Part of me feels as though although the man on the other side of the phone is well aware of what his job requires, he realizes that it is about making money. Of course I am sure he sympathizes with the customers but there is an obvious motive involved. It seems as though funeral homes make something that should be quite simple much more complicated than it needs to be. The conversation I had lacked a personal aspect and actual sincerity. What if I was calling because I had just lost someone, he never once asked that question. It made me wonder if they wait for a cue from their potential buyer. Although I know so much more now, I still am in a point where I find myself very confused. I want beauty and meaning but I can't even imagine the amount of courage and strength someone must have to literally care for the dead.

HW 51

Precis: Americans want the best. The best "stuff", the best opportunities and the best afterlife. By marking literally everything with such high price tags, Americans truly believe that they are getting high quality. The ones in control of the numbers however feed into this obsession of the best and use it to their advantage, carefully marking every product to give off the illusion that their customer is getting exactly what they want.

"... logically one would expect the expense to be but a fraction of that incurred for earth burial... the only expense incurred a modest crematory charge?" (Page One Hundred & Twelve)

"There was something of a power struggle to see who would purchase the nicest urn." (Page One Hundred & Sixteen)

"The theme that the American public, rather than the funeral industry is responsible for our funeral practices - because it demands "the best" in embalming and merchandise for the dead - is often expounded by funeral men. "We are merely giving the public what it wants," they say." (Page One Hundred & Twenty Three)

The "use for everyone of a casket that is attractive and protects the remains" (attractive seems an odd word here) is a new concept in this century, and one that took some ingenuity to put across." (Page One Hundred & Forty Six)

"Funeral directors have greater power over the bereaved who put themselves in their hands. It is so sad to see this power turn into manipulation." (Page One Hundred & Seventy One)

I don't know if funny is the right word but I find it very strange that this side of death has never once been exposed to me. I also find it so strange that it seems like no one really questions the obscurity of the situation. I guess since we are so used to everything being over priced, death would just be another merchandise we wish we had got on sale. Are the funeral directors gaining bad karma by treating their customers in this manor? They know that in a time of death normally everyone is very vulnerable and uneasy so they use that has motivation to make the naive buyer spend as much as possible. I would of never assumed death to fall under the same category as everything else we have studied in this class. Yet I realize that living in this society there are always two or even three sides to a story, and usually we only hear one.

HW 49 - Comments on Best of Your Break HW

From Natalie:

Sarah,

I really enjoyed this piece. What really caught my attention was when you began questioning how people even get into the funeral business. It seems like an odd thing for people to be attracted to, considering the subject is so heavily avoided in our culture. To answer your question of "Is it something they have dreamed about since they were little?" with my thoughts, I do not think it was something that crossed their mind as children. Kids are rarely confronted with death, therefore I believe it was an experience later in life that brought this attraction. Maybe a relatives funeral or a near death experience brought a sudden fascination with death, fulfilled through running a funeral business themselves.

From Casey:

Sarah,
This post was very straightforward, well structured and concise. Well done!
You ask good questions (like "Shouldn’t we trust the ones we are close to, to bring together something we would of liked? Why does the ceremony make such a difference to us, considering we are the guest who is not really invited? Is it something they have dreamed about since they were little?I began to wonder if the reason why religion is such a common trend in death is merely because people find comfort in it...How can we be so sure? What do either of those symbols have to do with the core of what the holiday is actually celebrating?") because they are thought-provoking, often have more than one answer, often have answers that affect many people, and contain unique insights.
I also wondered why people are drawn to the funeral industry...I had always thought that perhaps they were creepy and thus had twisted logic, but perhaps they are simply less afraid of death and more interested in money than many of the population.

From Rebecca (Younger) :

To Sarah: Your post made me question what I would like to have happen to me after I die. I honestly don't know, burning my body freaks me out but being in the ground also freaks me out. This line made me laugh, " When in kindergarten when everyone else wanted to be an astronaut or the president, they were saying I want to care for the dead!" I was surprised that I was laughing considering what the subject of this piece was about. I wonder if people do anything else besides bury and cremate people? Good Job.

From Rebecca

From Mom (Older) :

Your blog is thought provoking Sarah. How a society cares for the dead is a very symbolic act. Think of mass graves of thousands of unknowns around the world because of war or disease. Think of the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in Washington DC...some soldiers bodies are never recovered and this symbol is a monument to those who served the country and were never found. In the case of caring for the dead the society becomes the small society one is surrounded by who carries out the wishes of the deceased. It is an act of respect and love. I have a friend who was involved in the funeral business. He was actually a mortician. He was the son of an owner of a funeral business. He took his responsibilities very seriously and with great care. In addition to carrying out his duties with the deceased he greatly cared how the family was treated as well. Many small funeral homes have been bought by large conglomerates and that explains why this has become more of a big business. It used to be different. After his father died he took the business over but after a while decided to pursue a different career. Things can always seem to be one thing but if ones delves deeper the story is always more complicated.

xoxo, Mom

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To Casey:

Casey,

I found the contrast between your interviews to lead you to some very insightful ideas. This was evident in these sentences, "I think that many teenagers in this society have not yet experienced their most painful moments in life, because they have not experienced many deaths of close friends and family. I wonder if there is something that youth can do to prepare for such an experience." As a teenager who has experienced what death feels like, I can say personally I really don't think we can mentally prepare ourselves. I think after one death you begin to realize that mourning doesn't last forever, it is always with you but it gets better. Yet the feeling of shock and denial are emotions that are inevitable... However, I think it is very important to have your feelings and understand that death is just another part of life, although it is something we wish we could all avoid, it's better to deal with it than to ignore it. I really enjoyed your post, good job!

To Natalie:

Natalie,

I found the flow and tone of your blog to make it a good read. I found your idea of comparing two different generations concerns for death interesting. I think this line really summed up your point, "Unlike my peers, who were more concerned with what might happen after death, my parents were able to think about the living. Maybe it is because they have a family, children, that they began to think about the people they are leaving behind." However, what if someone never creates their own family or has children? Does this mean that they continue thinking like an adolescent? Is it really about what and who is surrounding a person? Or does it have more to do with getting older and understanding who you are more? Your blog did a good job of sparking ideas amongst a reader! Good work.